my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
