not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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