i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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