I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
