So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
