I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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