if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
...so i touched it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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