i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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