Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
