oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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