2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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