He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
