Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize