Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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