And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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