Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
