I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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