sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
