She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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