I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
