You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
