I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
PANTIES FOUND
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