so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize