But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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