I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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