oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
