someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im holly from the hills drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
