I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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