So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
