Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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