i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
