the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
