he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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