he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
