My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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