how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
