but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize