I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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