Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
