I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
