He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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