You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
