you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
