But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
