had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
