You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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