I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
