i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
