im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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