spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
