I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
