its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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