TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
