i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize