I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
