its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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