I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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