it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
