just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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