TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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