I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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