you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
