I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize