watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
