you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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