Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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