Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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