Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
