I showed him my bush... on skype.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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