I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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