Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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