Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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