i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think people are normalizing furries
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
