I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
