bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
