I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
