the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
