this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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