I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
