well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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