I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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