She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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